What Keeps You Up...

Yesterday on a walk with my son, he asked me "Mom, what keeps you up at night?" I said something super mom-like and shrugged it off.

Bur then he told me that "constant memories" keep him up at night. I said that I have a lot of memories at night too and that when they start to be sad memories, I think about an equally happy one to make things better.

The truth about what keeps me up at night is this... all the things that go with being a mom. Fear of the future, the unknown. Disappointment in myself. Worry that I have completely failed at "momming" and that they will hate me forever. Being a mom is hard. Being honest, yet protecting their little hearts is tough. Shielding them from harsh realities that they shouldn't have to worry about. Making sure that you give them enough happy memories to outweigh any of the bad memories. Trying to do it all. Be super mom. Trying to compete with all the other moms out there that, thanks to social media want us to believe that they are perfect.

It. Is. Super. Difficult.

At some point you have to stop and remember that being super mom isn't the goal. Being super isn't even the goal. At the end of the day it is okay to be just okay. Good is still good.

Because we all have days when we fail completely. At work. At home. In traffic. At the grocery store. Wherever it is, we all fail some days. And that is okay.

You've got to take the bad with the good. The sad with the happy. It all evens out. Just do you. Be you and let your children know you. They will know in the end that you gave it your all and that it's okay to be human. To make mistakes. To be a real, genuine, just okay mom.

I promise one day they will say you are super.

What keeps you up at night?

From Where I Sit

Ya' know that feeling you get when you come to a crossroads in your life? A fork, a T, a full four way stop. Whatever it is, you have to make some hard decisions. And if you're anything like me you feel a little (a lot) lost. Unsure of yourself and your future. Afraid to make the wrong choice. Afraid to listen to your inner voice. Afraid of more changes. Afraid to make other people uncomfortable or angry. Especially if you've gone through a lot of heart wrenching things in the last year. Maybe a complete change is exactly what you need. But you're still afraid.

 Fear. Sucks.

I am not sure which direction I will go in. Which doors will open up for me and which doors will be closed. I DO know that I have laid it all at Gods feet. I have prayed for peace and strength and that he who knows my destination will continue to build my path for me. And I've stopped caring about what people who have no idea what I've truly gone through think and feel.

The peace that he is in control and will shield me has come. The strength is a daily process of little steps that lead to mountains climbed. And wherever life takes me I can tell you this... No matter what happens, life looks good from where I sit.

I channel Elvis. In a way...

Do you ever feel like your creative genius is channeling Elvis? It's been there, but it's left the building? Sometimes I feel that way. And I get a little bummed but I can't put into words why I am blue. Then something will happen and I will be creative for a purpose, a reason, a deadline (usually). And you know what happens? I remember what it feels like to let that creativity flow from my mind and into my hands. Out of my hands and into the material that I am working with, whatever that may be. And I am happy. At peace. No longer restless. And I create and create and create some more. I feed my need for creativity. And it feels good. So, so good! But what if I didn't know that was my need? What do people do when they are forever restless and can't find why?

I wonder if you could put into words what kind of soul you feel like you have? Are you an old soul? A tender soul? A restless soul? A peaceful soul?

And why? Have you always been that way, have you been jaded by life at some point? I wonder. I wonder. Do you have a need to feed? What is it that drives you? When are you at your most expressive and true self? I wonder...

Hanging Head, In Shame....

I have no exuses. I've just taken a really long break from blogging and I'm sorry. I've started back to school this semester. I'm taking 8 hours right now but will take 3 more hours at the end of the semester. This is my capstone semester and I'm having a lot of fun so far. I've chosen my classroom for my work study and I've chosen my target child in that classroom that I will focus on maintaining a portfolio for.

I have a co-teaching student with me and we have already chosen our project topic. I am so, so, so excited about this! We are using the book Weslandia....such a great book for this age (3rd grade). I read it this week and they loved it.

Now we are exploring what it would be like to create our own society...they are extremeley interested in the politics and the jobs that go into creating a society. I can't wait to see where all it takes us.

Life at home is good. Little Lexi is growing like a weed. Skylar is gorgeous and Clark is just as crazy as always. Hope life is treating you well and I promise I will start back up to blogging! :)

Linking Up.....

I linked up my Batik Project over at Running With Glitter today! I love this blog and I was super excited to find out she's a local gal to me! Go check out her page and link up a project of your own!

Art, Art and more Art....

So, my kiddos and I have been working diligently on a project or two around the house! And I am excited that now I can post a pic of one that is finished.

And it turned out AMAZING! It was so much fun and I love that we honestly worked on it for like five days! And we had all the materials on hand already so it cost nothing, but even if you bought stuff it wouldn't be that expensive.

We did a Batik on a sheet. We are going to hang the sheet from a line between two trees to be the backdrop for our outdoor stage. I have to do some rearranging of the area before I take pics of that part though. So, here in a serious of pictures is what we did...

Skylar adding Glue.

You need to make sure you use the Gel Glue...

Clark adding glue...this was also a good motor activity to help him strengthen his hand muscles.

This is our sheet after we have added the glue...

We let this dry over night....then the next three nights we added watered down acrylic paint. I just took all the bottles that I had from other projects (which was alot) and poured them in cups and added water....mixing until they were very runny like water. Then we just went out and poured them on. We only did 3 or four colors a night so that we could see how they ran and dried. Then the next night we would know where we had white spots.

This is what it looked like after all the nights of adding paint!

The next step after all the paint was dry was putting through the washer with HOT water. That will dissolve all the glue and leave those spots fresh and white! It looks awesome, but I want to show it to you in it's full glory. So tomorrow when I get it hung up I will take more pics and show you!

Hanging head in shame...

I am the worst blogger evah! I am so sorry! I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. I can't even blame school or anything. I've just been unable to think of things that I think are worthy of blogging about. Does anyone else ever have that problem?

School has started back up here. I have one in her last year of middle school and I have one that is starting pre-k in one short week.

Maybe that is what has me so frazzled. Or maybe it's the fact that for the first time in I don't know how long, I am not taking any classes this semester. I find myself not knowing what to do at night because I was so used to reading, studying, andoing homework.

Me and the littles have had a cold this week and the poor baby can't take anything because she is so young. So she is the worst of all of us, poor poor baby!

So, I am sorry that I've been missing from blogland and I promise to try to be better! Hope you have a great Friday!