Deep Thoughts...

I used to be really good at locking away my feelings about things and pretending they didn't bother me.

I once spent years in a marriage where I lost everything I ever knew and loved about myself.

I had to rebuild the person I thought I was. I had been shattered, betrayed, broken to the very core.

So I did it. I hit rock bottom. I went through things that people shouldn't have to go through. Only the love of my family and friends got me through it.

And I grew, I came out of my cocoon a new and better butterfly. Determined that I wouldn't settle, I wouldn't hold things in, I wouldn't let anyone other than me define me, make me or break me.

I went on with life and grew my family through another marriage and more littles. I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. I made plans to get where I wanted to go for a change.

And after time, it just got easier to hold things in a little. And then alot.

And then I had a breakdown. Granted it was a hormonally induced made worse by complete exhaustion breakdown. But I hid it so well for so long that even the person who is supposed to know me better than anyone...didn't know. I had slipped back into that woman that thinks it is easier to just keep everyone else happy and quiet. Despite how she might be hurting. How does that happen? What was I afraid of?

Am I willing to be broken again? Could I rebuild myself again? I've had to do some surface repairing, but what about another overall rehaul? I don't think I can.

So, I mustered up all the courage I had tonight and spoke my mind. Said my peace. Rocked the boat.

Will it make any difference? Honestly, probably not. That's how it got this bad in the first place. Remember, that first time I rebuilt myself I was open and honest and spoke my mind...but it never made a difference. Things didn't change because of what I said or how I felt. So that's when it became easier to stay silent.

So that's where I am right now...the crossroads. Stand still and get hit by a truck. Or cross over and walk into the empty desert.

I am a Woman?

You heard me right.

I know many of you will relate to this post.

I am a mother. I work full time. I am currently on a break from school, but I usually take anywhere between 11 and 18 hours a semester.

I'm a little busy, to say the least. And honestly I'm not always a froo-froo girl. I don't wear make-up unless it's a special occassion and my hair spends alot of time in a ponytail.

So imagine my surprise when I went to get my hair done tonight. You see, my uncle is getting married this weekend and it's kind of a big deal. So we all got new do's. I came out of the chair looking like a woman! And a hot one if I dare say so myself.

Sometimes it's nice to stop in the middle of all the crazy and be reminded that you're a woman. And perhaps you still have some of your groove after all.

Linking up today for Happiness Is over at Rub Some Dirt On It

A Review...

So what do you think about my new design?

I love it...

It is very me and my header now has all three of my littles on it.

So, who did it? The Amazing Grace! That's really her name.

She is the sweet little owner of Gracely Designs.

She listened to me about what I wanted and asked questions when needed. She took free range of the project with what I asked for and I think she did an amazing job! And she was so professional and nice.

And it wasn't until halfway through the project, when I realized that she is young...like my daughter young! That made me so much more impressed with her. I was astounded at her level of professionalism and her desire to run a business.

It also lead me to think alot about my daughter and what she could accomplish if I was brave enough to set her out into the world with her own little business venture.

So, please help Grace build her business and stop by to see what she is capable of. I have been very happy with the whole interaction.

Thanks, Grace for a job well done!

Lea

Outdoor Extravaganza...

I am so excited about the plans that I have for a certain area I have outside in my yard.

It's a little shady and tucked in so it always makes me think "fort". I am going to put in a little playhut, a mud kitchen and hopefully some music/art aspect.

Here are some pictures to get you thinking about it...

So, what do you think? Does it scream "fort" to you? Can you envision other things there? What would you do if it was your yard? I really want it to be open ended and child created. Once I set it up, I want to be able to sit back and just watch their little minds run away from them.

Rock Star...

I think my son may think he is a Rock Star. Well, I'm not really sure what he thinks but I know that at some point in the middle of the night he thought to get out of bed and just pass out in the middle of the hallway. So, like the good mother that I am, I took a picture and left him there. Trust me, if I had moved him he would have been awake for good.

And I am linking up this morning with Katie over at Loves of Life for her Saturday Morning Scene.




Happy Saturday!!!
~Lea

Winner, Winner, Winner...

I know, obnoxious, right?

But it's true. I actually won something...the bragging rights!

I am flattered that Rachel over @ and then,she snapped chose one of my pics as one of her favorites for last weeks Show Off Your Shot.

Thanks, Rachel!

To Etsy or Not To Etsy...

That is the question!

I love Etsy. I love knowing that I could create things that others might possibly want to buy. I love the creativenes, the searching, the finding. All of that.

Do I love it enough to spread my wings and jump off the bridge?

Where on earth would I find the time?

Would it be worth it?

Could I ever make enough money to warrant the time and attention I would have to put into it?

So many questions! I am thinking about opening an Etsy shop and I am so unsure!

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

That is all. Goodbye.

Growing up...

Lexi is 9 months old now. She is amazingly good natured and she is my silent watcher.

She has just learned to pull herself up and uses this new skill quite often when she wants something (like her sister, mother, brother, father, or remote) on the couch!

So this is how we spend most of our Saturday mornings around here. Just laying around playing with the baby. Watching her discover the world and gain all her new little skills. In my mind, I say prayer after prayer and every magic word I can think of to just keep her little.

I am linking up today at Loves of Life for her Saturday Morning Scene! Go check it out!

Baby/Dog-What's the Difference...

I am a little sleep deprived today. We've got a sick baby in the house. She woke up @ 4 in the morning crying with a dirty diaper. I could hear her little tummy gurgling. I had only been asleep for about 2 hours because she took her bottle late and had a dirty diaper. Then her daddy let her see him and she wanted some snuggle time with him. Ok, I am pulling a Pulp Fiction and skipping around too much. So this morning at 4 I get her changed and make her a bottle, put her back to bed and she proceeds to chatter and roll around and scoot and nestle and giggle (I mean, really what is so funny in the dark?). So an hour and a half later I am falling back to sleep. Just in time for boy wonder to run in and try to awaken his father. But of course my husband sleeps like the dead and doesn't hear a darn thing through any of this....

He does finally stumble into the living room to turn on cartoons for the boy. 30 minutes later, asleep again, I hear "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" so I am trying to get the husband to get up again before the boy actually wakes up the baby. No such luck! So it's 7 I've had no sleep and I have two very awake children and 1 snoozing husband. Yay Me!

I get all the kids out to the living room so that Sleeping Beauty can get his sleep (lucky him). I make a little prison coral for the little lass so she won't roam around the house. I do this using EVERY SINGLE COUCH PILLOW! Throw some toys on the floor and plop down on the couch. (I know I just lost my Mommy Award). I am ok with it.

A little later after I had dozed off looked away for a minute I see her playing happily on the floor surrounded by mountains of couch pillows, chewing on a toy. And I think to myself "It's like I have a dog". I mean, follow me here...you put 'em in a fence and throw 'em something to chew on and they are both completely happy.

I start to think of others ways they are like dogs. I start a little Top Ten list in my head.

10. They both wag something when they see you coming. For little lass it's her arms. She just gets so excited and starts waving her arms around like windmills.

9. They both whine and stay up all night when you first bring them home.

8. It takes patience and dedication to potty train them.

7. Sometimes, that potty training lends itself to little "accidents".

6. They start out needing us a lot and then move to needing us less and less.

5. They like to play fetch. Except babies like to be the one throwing the object.

4. They chew on things.

3. They like to sleep in your bed.

2. They can always find the one teeny tiny speck of trash/food/dirt on the floor.

1. And the number one way babies are like dogs....You can't help but love 'em!

Here's a pic of little Lexi at the Dr. this morning totally rockin' the jean skirt look! She's just the happiest little baby, even when she doesn't feel good.

You can find me linked up here today for Bee Friendly Friday!

What It Means To Me....

The smell of rain in the air...

The feel of the garden dirt between my toes...

Mud squishing between my fingers...

The feel of the fish nibbling on my legs...

The looooong ride in the car to get somewhere...

Lightening bugs...

Roly poly's...(you know they are quite hard to get out of a small nostril)

Homemade ice cream made in the garage...

What does it mean to me? It means summer. It means parents and grandparents and cousins. The Lake. The 4th of July.

It means memories. Childhood.

You see my summers were filled with all these wonderful things. My swimming pool was the huge ditch in front of my grandma's house after a good rain storm. My desserts were peach cobbler and ice cream or fresh fruit right from the tree. If I wanted fried green tomatoes (which, trust me, I did) I would go pick 'em myself.

I miss those days. My heart aches for them. I want to savor every memory and somehow find a way to make my children see how glorious it was to be raised by this wonderful family.

I want to help them make their own memories. I yearn for them to understand that childhood is fleeting and it never returns. I want them to L.I.V.E. in a simpler time and really grow to appreciate it.

But I struggle to find that. I have to work. I have to finish school. I simply can't do everything I want to do and it breaks my heart sometimes. Not in half. Not even a crack I suppose. Just a chip here and there.

So on nights like tonight. When a dreadfully hot day finally starts coming to a painted Oklahoma sky ending. I cherish that I have time with just one kid. To make a lasting memory. And I take out my craft kit and glue a chip of my heart back on.

This is happiness to me. Pure. Momma. Old School. Happiness!

Taking my son to a place I used to go when I was a kid...

This is The Blue Whale...look him up on Facebook! He's a Route 66 Historic Attraction deep in the heart of Catoosa Oklahoma! I have very vivid memories of playing and swimming here as a child. Jumping off his tail and sliding down his side. Pure Joy! Now he's a little beat up. His waters are low and dirty. People throw trash in his park. And that too makes my heart hurt. But bringing Clark here for the first time and watching him take his first hesitant steps into the mouth of the whale. Simply.Sublime.

I sigh with contentment.

I bribe ask him to take just one picture with me. But no amount of money mothers pleading will get a smile out of him. How dare I wrestle gently hold him when he itches to run barefooted through the sand.

And then one self portrait that leaves me wondering if perhaps I can dig through boxes and find one like this of me as a girl here.

A reminder that time won't stop for us. I must be purposeful. I must slow down. I must make memories with them. A sticky, artistic reminder that this moment was PURE and SIMPLE and TIMELESS!

I am linking up today with Becky at Rub Some Dirt On It for this cool hop! Check it out! And let me know what childhood love you've shared or want to share with your kiddos!

LIfe, or Something Like It....

Life is hairy round these here parts. But it's good. So I guess it would be like the best hair you could imagine. Like Penelope Cruz hair. Jennifer Aniston hair. Or better yet, Matthew McConaughey hair.

Summer is just like that ya' know. Crazy busy, but a relaxed kind of busy. I know, I know I'm not making any sense. I'm ok with that. And to make it all the more hairy...my internet only works when it wants to...I have a theory that the hot temperatures are making it lazy.

We've got swim lessons for the boy wonder! He's doing pretty good. We've had 100+ degrees like EVERY. FREAKING. DAY. FOREVER.

Hot! The littlest lass has a diaper rash from hell. And I just spent $45 on butt cream cuz the insurance wouldn't cover the Rx. But, sore butts in the house just won't do.

I've got exciting things happening at work. I am responsible for the training and professional development at work, so I always look forward to doing new classes and workshops. This year, I've got a special kind of awesomeness brewing up in my mind for it!

AND I am excited that thanks to the suggestion of Becky over at Rub Some Dirt On It I am starting my very own Cocktails and Crafts club. We are having our first craft night on August 6th. I am hosting and I am so excited about the craft we are doing. But I can't spill the beans yet!

So just to tide you over, here are some random pics of my littles and maybe myself!

How is your summer going so far?

Aw Sweet....

You know how there are those certain mommy times when you wonder what you were thinking by having more than one? It's ok, you can admit it. They're fighting, there is screaming, none of them are asleep, you cooked dinner and none of them ate it, you look in your rear view mirrow and you see three bodies crammed in the back because your third was a surprise and you can't afford a bigger car....

I think there will always be those moments. But then you have moments when you overhear conversations like this one that I overheard this morning...

Clark "I really want that game but my birthday is so far away."
Skylar "Hey you know what, I can ask for it for my birthday and if I get it we can share it."

And then your mommy heart fills full up with love and emotion. Sometimes they really do like each other and get along. And when they are grown they really might remember growing up and being happy that they had a brother or sister.

To me, that makes it all worth it!

And it's nearly impossible to get all of them smiling, looking at the camera and not making a silly face in pictures...

Linking up today with Loves of Life for her Saturday Morning Scene. Check her blog out, it is great!

Crack in the house...

Do you ever look at your kids and wonder....do I have Crack somewhere in the house that I don't know about it? Did my children find said Crack and partake in it?

Actually, with a mother that let's thing like this happen...

Then why would I be surprised that my kids are a little on the crazy side?

And you know what?

I wouldn't have it any other way!

Love, Love, Love...

This is one of my all time favorite weekends. The Fourth of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. I love everything about it. People are just in a good mood and nicer to each other this weekend. The pace of life has slowed down and when you live in a neighborhood (outside city limits) like mine...you get to fall asleep nightly for a good two weeks listening to fireworks! I love having to go somewhere and coming home late at night...then getting to see a surprise fireworks show on my drive. I love watching the faces of my children when they watch them. I love the food! Burgers and hotdogs, watermelon and strawberries, corn on the cob, oh my! So my day today has been full of cleaning my house for the Annual Extravaganza we have! It's going really s-l-o-w with a four year old and a baby in the house. But we are also doing a really deep cleaning. It took us 3 hours this morning to steam, scrub, steam, scrub, steam and then scrub some more on our stove top. But, it looks like we just moved in to the house! So I think it is worth it.

I'm linking up for the Say Hi Sunday Hop and will hopefully have some pictures to share tomorrow of some of our crafts and decorations for the party!
br />




Have a great Independence Day!