Wednesday, June 8, 2016

What Keeps You Up...

Yesterday on a walk with my son, he asked me "Mom, what keeps you up at night?" I said something super mom-like and shrugged it off.
Bur then he told me that "constant memories" keep him up at night. I said that I have a lot of memories at night too and that when they start to be sad memories, I think about an equally happy one to make things better.

The truth about what keeps me up at night is this... all the things that go with being a mom. Fear of the future, the unknown. Disappointment in myself. Worry that I have completely failed at "momming" and that they will hate me forever. Being a mom is hard. Being honest, yet protecting their little hearts is tough. Shielding them from harsh realities that they shouldn't have to worry about. Making sure that you give them enough happy memories to outweigh any of the bad memories. Trying to do it all. Be super mom. Trying to compete with all the other moms out there that, thanks to social media want us to believe that they are perfect.

It. Is. Super. Difficult.

At some point you have to stop and remember that being super mom isn't the goal. Being super isn't even the goal. At the end of the day it is okay to be just okay. Good is still good.
Because we all have days when we fail completely. At work. At home. In traffic. At the grocery store. Wherever it is, we all fail some days. And that is okay.

You've got to take the bad with the good. The sad with the happy. It all evens out. Just do you. Be you and let your children know you. They will know in the end that you gave it your all and that it's okay to be human. To make mistakes. To be a real, genuine, just okay mom.

I promise one day they will say you are super.
What keeps you up at night?

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

From Where I Sit

Ya' know that feeling you get when you come to a crossroads in your life? A fork, a T, a full four way stop. Whatever it is, you have to make some hard decisions. And if you're anything like me you feel a little (a lot) lost. Unsure of yourself and your future. Afraid to make the wrong choice. Afraid to listen to your inner voice. Afraid of more changes. Afraid to make other people uncomfortable or angry. Especially if you've gone through a lot of heart wrenching things in the last year. Maybe a complete change is exactly what you need. But you're still afraid.

 Fear. Sucks.

I am not sure which direction I will go in. Which doors will open up for me and which doors will be closed. I DO know that I have laid it all at Gods feet. I have prayed for peace and strength and that he who knows my destination will continue to build my path for me. And I've stopped caring about what people who have no idea what I've truly gone through think and feel.

The peace that he is in control and will shield me has come. The strength is a daily process of little steps that lead to mountains climbed. And wherever life takes me I can tell you this... No matter what happens, life looks good from where I sit.