Monday, April 18, 2011

Tornadoes in my mind....

It's bedtime. Another day is done. Except I am all out of my anxiety medicine. I have been out for a week. I have been taking one Tylenol pm instead so that atleast I will sleep. Now I am out of Tylenol pm. So, now I am left wondering. Wondering what will fill my mind when it should be shutting down. See, that's my problem. As blessed as I am. As much as I have. When I close my eyes to sleep at night, the world closes in on me. My mind races with all the what if's, why's and how's? What if something happens to one of my children? Why do bad things happen to good people and vice versa. How am I going to do all the things I need to do? The list goes on and on and if I was honest. If I told you all the random and completely unrealistic, irrational thoughts that go through my mind. I would think about them too much and not sleep at all. And I simply can't stop them. It's as if I have an Oklahoma tornado whipping through my mind. Well, it starts in my mind and then spreads throughout my body. Leaving nothing but wreckage in it's path. Once again, I am powerless.

So tonight I will pray. I will pray for myself. I will pray for my family. I will pray for the mothers that are lying down to sleep after losing their child. I will pray for people that have wronged me, for I no longer have the desire or the energy to hold that against them. And hopefully, cross my fingers, I will sleep.

And tomorrow greet another day.

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